Crossroads

I know that it has been a super long time since my last blog...I never intended for it to be this way,but there are a couple of reason its been this long...mainly b/c I was w/out a credible laptop for a little while...I had to turn in my work laptop...so obviously that wasn't an option....the BF's laptop screen was broken so sometimes it would work...sometimes it wouldn't or it would just get hot and it was just too much trouble to use it...we had another laptop he was working on rebuilding, needed windows OS...he got that installed and so now we are good to go...so.....w/all that being said, we are back on track....

I guess a mini-update on my life is in order since its been sooo long and then I will get into the meaning behind the title of this blog.

I start my new job on Aug. 5th and I am super excited!! I'm going to miss my old work peeps and its kind of difficult to go somewhere new where you don't know anyone, but I'm looking forward to a clean slate...a way to reinvent myself...I haven't been happy w/myself professionally b/c I've noticed that I have not been putting my all into my job and really been half-assing it alot and not working to my full potential....I don't like just coasting by and I really feel like that's what's been going on w/me the past couple of years. This switch to a new district will require me to get out of that mold and make a true name for myself...can't wait...hopefully I can continue to feel more confident in myself in this job. I don't know a soul, well except for a girl who I assisted with a paper when she was in grad school, she is going to be an intern and I went to college w/her older sister and her and I are friends, but we've never met in person, just talked via Facebook....nonetheless, it will feel good to have someone who we both kinda know to help ease us into all the new experiences we will have in the next few weeks...

A few weeks ago I had a woman's-day w/about 8 of my closest friends. We discussed ourselves,family, friends, relationships, with my Aunt facilitating through questions to get us talking and opening up. It was awesome! Everyone loved it, the BF really came through w/the food and helping me to get that together, it turned out wayyy better than I ever thought it would be. I am and was eternally greatful for that, b/c I am sooo not a person who pays attention to details (I need to work on this ) but he is and he really showed up and showed out for me!! My friends thought it was awesome and that he was awesome for doing that and supporting me in that way.

The house--still a work in progress....I don't know how many times I've written, said, thought, this but I am sooooooooooooo ready for it to be done and this home to be a sanctuary....I never realized I would be this gung ho about cooking until I don't have my kitchen set-up and you realize how much you miss it....I'm sooo tired of eating out...and having to go to my parents house to cook and/or get a home-cooked meal...*sigh* buuuut the house is coming along and I can't wait to see the final product...as I'm sure that BF feels the same way....

Friends...I've had to say that one thing that I am working on right now is in my life is friendships--I've been meditating over the fact that life is too short and I really need to make time to hang out w/my friends and family more. I've also realized that some toxic friendships that I have been holding on to need to end. I had a male friend who I was super close to for awhile, but this relationship changed once I got into a relationship....who knows, jury is still out on whether or not he liked me "like that" and that's why he started acting funny, but none-the-less this is what happened...he got married and then its like he became uber annoying and started acting like he was Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or any other relationship coach...it got annoying to the point where I'm not sure I even wanna try to be cool w/him like that...its like he is always sticking his unwanted nose into my relationship and my business and trying to tell me what to do or not to do....saying that my man is bull-shitting me b/c we haven't gotten engaged/married yet or then saying that I need to not put pressure on him...its like..dude...handle up on your wife, 2 step-children and new baby...don't worry about me....*sigh* I guess another friend bites the dust...

Anyways,I guess that's an update on a few of the things that have been happening in my life, so I guess its time I discuss the meaning of the title of this post...Crossroads....its like my relationship is at a crossroads....I'm praying for a breakthrough....we almost broke up a couple of weeks ago b/c he got uber frustrated with me...I could write an entire post about that situation, but we both have issues that need to be worked on, and I know that I can be a difficult person to be in a relationship with...I have soo much difficulty letting go of control....its a wonder I've never had an eating disorder or something like that b/c I am woman enough to admit that I have issues with control and losing it or not being in control....that's the basis for most eating disorders right?

Well we decided that we were going to work on things...and stay together...we both care about each other and feel that if 150% effort is put into it, we will make it....

Well I guess that's it for this post for now..I need to get up from here and get going to the dentist...I neglected the dentist for a lil bit and had to have several cavities taken care of...I'm almost done w/my treatments but I have to stop for the month of August b/c my insurance from my old job ends on July 31st and my insurance for my new job doesn't start up again until September 1st.

I also need to cram in an eye appointment this week b/c I am on my last pair of contacts and my glasses are pretty much null and void as far as for outside wear...I haven't gotten new glasses in like 5-6 years!!

Anyways...I plan to write another blog tomorrow morning so I can go more in depth into what I think the core issues of our relationship are....as far as my contribution that is...until next time fam!! :)

~The Perfekt Imperfektion