Soooooo alot has changed since the last time I wrote on here...for the better....after all this time...me and the BF have started communicating MUCH better and seem to be on a better track....I've been trying and he has been trying and the M word has come up....and not just from my mouth...sooooo hmmmmmm I guess sometimes it takes a little umph! to bring people closer.

Anyways...I started work in my new district this week and it has been going well. I miss my old peeps from my old district...but I'm pretty sure that I am going to really enjoy the new peeps, as they are super nice thus far.

My office is much smaller this year, but its cool.....I only have one school this year that I am on 5 days per week...sooo I think thing are going to be super awesome.

Sorry for the brief post but my attention is distracted....watching The Millionaire Matchmakers...+ spending time w/my hunny bunny...so....holla!!

Crossroads

I know that it has been a super long time since my last blog...I never intended for it to be this way,but there are a couple of reason its been this long...mainly b/c I was w/out a credible laptop for a little while...I had to turn in my work laptop...so obviously that wasn't an option....the BF's laptop screen was broken so sometimes it would work...sometimes it wouldn't or it would just get hot and it was just too much trouble to use it...we had another laptop he was working on rebuilding, needed windows OS...he got that installed and so now we are good to go...so.....w/all that being said, we are back on track....

I guess a mini-update on my life is in order since its been sooo long and then I will get into the meaning behind the title of this blog.

I start my new job on Aug. 5th and I am super excited!! I'm going to miss my old work peeps and its kind of difficult to go somewhere new where you don't know anyone, but I'm looking forward to a clean slate...a way to reinvent myself...I haven't been happy w/myself professionally b/c I've noticed that I have not been putting my all into my job and really been half-assing it alot and not working to my full potential....I don't like just coasting by and I really feel like that's what's been going on w/me the past couple of years. This switch to a new district will require me to get out of that mold and make a true name for myself...can't wait...hopefully I can continue to feel more confident in myself in this job. I don't know a soul, well except for a girl who I assisted with a paper when she was in grad school, she is going to be an intern and I went to college w/her older sister and her and I are friends, but we've never met in person, just talked via Facebook....nonetheless, it will feel good to have someone who we both kinda know to help ease us into all the new experiences we will have in the next few weeks...

A few weeks ago I had a woman's-day w/about 8 of my closest friends. We discussed ourselves,family, friends, relationships, with my Aunt facilitating through questions to get us talking and opening up. It was awesome! Everyone loved it, the BF really came through w/the food and helping me to get that together, it turned out wayyy better than I ever thought it would be. I am and was eternally greatful for that, b/c I am sooo not a person who pays attention to details (I need to work on this ) but he is and he really showed up and showed out for me!! My friends thought it was awesome and that he was awesome for doing that and supporting me in that way.

The house--still a work in progress....I don't know how many times I've written, said, thought, this but I am sooooooooooooo ready for it to be done and this home to be a sanctuary....I never realized I would be this gung ho about cooking until I don't have my kitchen set-up and you realize how much you miss it....I'm sooo tired of eating out...and having to go to my parents house to cook and/or get a home-cooked meal...*sigh* buuuut the house is coming along and I can't wait to see the final product...as I'm sure that BF feels the same way....

Friends...I've had to say that one thing that I am working on right now is in my life is friendships--I've been meditating over the fact that life is too short and I really need to make time to hang out w/my friends and family more. I've also realized that some toxic friendships that I have been holding on to need to end. I had a male friend who I was super close to for awhile, but this relationship changed once I got into a relationship....who knows, jury is still out on whether or not he liked me "like that" and that's why he started acting funny, but none-the-less this is what happened...he got married and then its like he became uber annoying and started acting like he was Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura or any other relationship coach...it got annoying to the point where I'm not sure I even wanna try to be cool w/him like that...its like he is always sticking his unwanted nose into my relationship and my business and trying to tell me what to do or not to do....saying that my man is bull-shitting me b/c we haven't gotten engaged/married yet or then saying that I need to not put pressure on him...its like..dude...handle up on your wife, 2 step-children and new baby...don't worry about me....*sigh* I guess another friend bites the dust...

Anyways,I guess that's an update on a few of the things that have been happening in my life, so I guess its time I discuss the meaning of the title of this post...Crossroads....its like my relationship is at a crossroads....I'm praying for a breakthrough....we almost broke up a couple of weeks ago b/c he got uber frustrated with me...I could write an entire post about that situation, but we both have issues that need to be worked on, and I know that I can be a difficult person to be in a relationship with...I have soo much difficulty letting go of control....its a wonder I've never had an eating disorder or something like that b/c I am woman enough to admit that I have issues with control and losing it or not being in control....that's the basis for most eating disorders right?

Well we decided that we were going to work on things...and stay together...we both care about each other and feel that if 150% effort is put into it, we will make it....

Well I guess that's it for this post for now..I need to get up from here and get going to the dentist...I neglected the dentist for a lil bit and had to have several cavities taken care of...I'm almost done w/my treatments but I have to stop for the month of August b/c my insurance from my old job ends on July 31st and my insurance for my new job doesn't start up again until September 1st.

I also need to cram in an eye appointment this week b/c I am on my last pair of contacts and my glasses are pretty much null and void as far as for outside wear...I haven't gotten new glasses in like 5-6 years!!

Anyways...I plan to write another blog tomorrow morning so I can go more in depth into what I think the core issues of our relationship are....as far as my contribution that is...until next time fam!! :)

~The Perfekt Imperfektion

Comfortable much??

What it dew followers, readers, and the such!



I was wondering when my next topic to blog about would pop up...seems I need to wonder no further....its hit me like a ton of bricks this weekend..seems like everything hits me like themes when I'm motivated to write...so here goes...



So this past week...the issue of Comfort has come up time and time again in our disagreements, discussions, analysis of others, etc.



Today was no different as this subject came up on our way to go see Iron Man 2....still at home for a 4:25 movie...hopefully we will make it as I have BEEN wanting to go see this move....



So first let's get some background before I go all out with the situation at hand.



Friday me and some of my girl friends went to go to see Sex and the City 2....loved it btw....anyhoo...after work I came home...showered, ironed up a cute top, jeans, heels, slapped on some makeup...did my hair and I was out the door...had fun w/my girls...came home...at slept...end of the night...



So today on Sunday afternoon, I got to put on this white tank shirt, some jean capris, and the BF looks at me and says "I don't like that shirt, you need to retire it, its ugly" I proceed to tell him that I like the shirt, and say that its not ugly and that I wanna wear it, then I say...I don't have any other shirts to wear and that I need to buy some shirts....he gets angry and is like "well I'm not going to the movie, I'm done, you can go, I'm not going"--at this point, I'm like...well I don't know how we got to this point, but I do know that its not where I wanna be...so...I apologize for being a smart ass and we move on...

Ended up being that he was initially annoyed w/me b/c it seems that I can dress up and look nice when I'm going to go meet up w/friends, but that when him and I were goin to go out to the movies, I just throw on anything and I'm ready to roll...

I guess he's been feeling like I've been getting comfortable w/him all the time...comfortable w/what I wear when we go out....comfortable in keeping the spice in our relationship...comfortable in what I wear to bed....comfortable, comfortable, comfortable....its not like I planned to be THAT woman..the one who no longer went all out in the looks dept for my man...but somehow through the years it has happened...I used to own cute pj's and thongs, and those have gone by the wayside for boyshorts.....still cute, but often covered by Pj pants, and oversized t-shirt and fuzzy socks....ewww....even as I type that out and I get the visual of what I look like...damn...that is NOT sexy...I need to dig those out of the container and buy more for my repertoire...I am 28 not, 78...I need to def figure out a way to bring the sexy back...

I've talked to several friends of mine about it and I realize that I need to stop being lazy.....the spice doesn't go away in a relationship...what happens is that one person or both people stop trying...that's the problem....

Maybe I've just gotten bored with my everyday life...who knows...I think that's the case...I am responsible all the time now...never feel like there is a time to let my hair down and let loose...sort of like I discussed in my last post...I'm in one of those modes where I just need a change of scenery and I don't know what, when, or how to get it...

But I think I may have found my way....the BF looooves the comedian Paul Mooney and I've been looking for months to see if he is coming to the Houston Improv...or the Addison Improv (in Dallas) well low and behold, he is coming in 2 weeks to the Addison Improv so I've told him about it, so its a good chance we might be going to that...so..even though its Dallas which is not exactly my idea of fun, its out of Houston....so we'll see..

But back to the situation at hand..so after our discussion about my outfit, I jazzed it up...insead of flip flops, I put on some heels....put some makeup on, jewelry..and shock,suprise, I looked really nice...I received compliments from people when we went out...to the point that I started thinking, well damn, how do I look on any regular 'ol day!!

Anyways, I hope that by my next post my Operation Keepin it Sexy has brought about some positive changes....anyways, as always, thanks for being interested in what I had to say and until my next post....

Her vs Him

So....today is May 24th..man this month has flown by...I"m definately NOT complaining as I only have a few more days left of work until I'm off for summer vacation!!! Waaaaaaahooooo!!

It is bittersweet though as this is my last school year in X ISD. I got a new job closer to my house at Z ISD and I'm really looking forward to the change. I have not been happy this year at my current gig for a few reasons...mainly the commute (45-1hour ONE WAY), the workload (3 campuses), and the $$ I have to spend on gas (fill ups 3-4 times per week at 30-35 bux per fill-up....you do the math).....so I"m definately looking forward to being closer to home.

Home is going ok--I"ve been majorly frustrated with alot of things surrounding this issue....I'm sooo ready to be done with this remodel....it has taken much longer than I expected it to...we are doing as much as we can do ourselves and then paying people to do the rest. I am just annoyed at not being done....not having company...just annoyed. The house has cause a little bit of tension between me and the BF lately...but we've been working steadily on it and things hopefully will be taking a turn for the better...

One of our main issues is sorta related in a roundabout way to the house, but mostly another issue in and of itself. Any of you that have been following me for a little bit know that I like to travel even if its in state....I always manage to get a little trip in somewhere....well me and the BF have not been on a vacation together in ages....last May 2009, he went on a boys trip and I thought that perhaps he and I would have gone somewhere...but that never happened...I always said that Summer 2010 I was getting out of Texas...but I would settle for at least out of Houston. I tried several times to get him to committ to a trip out of town,and I'm usually met with a "we'll see" or "maybe" which from childhood--we all know what that means...

I kinda let it go more or less b/c I know we are spending ALOT of $$ lately and have had to lend considerable amounts of money to family members, so I haven't pressed to go out of state too hard lately. I then suggested we go to San Antonio...close...cheap...lots to do....still met with the "we'll see" "maybe"....so I've noticing I'm growing more frustrated b/c I just wanna spend some time with him...away from the realities of regular life living in a home that is under renovation....so I even dumbed the trip down more to staying at a hotel on the other side of town and going to have a nice dinner....still nothing...

We've argued about this subject time after time and it goes back to our 2 different philosophies:

My view: I am the type of person who when met with stress often likes to step back from it for a little bit...do something to get my mind off of things...go back and knock it out....

His view: He is the type of person that when met with stress likes to knock it out, knock it out, knock it out...then step away from it stress free and doing something he enjoys

I'm not knocking his way...at all..in theory it is awesome...but I've noticed that I've been feeling burned out....that's another reason why I'm changing districts next year...I feel burned out of my job....and I'm also feeling burned out of my everyday life...I need something new, fun, exciting to look forward to..

So, we get into it b/c he is refusing to budge on this issue...he says his way causes him to be the more effective and get shit done..and I'm feeling sooo blah b/c I NEEEEED to get away and its usually a tug of war w/both of us falling on our faces...

I hate getting into it w/him...especially about something so simple as this...I often feel like I'm being a bitch b/c he is doing sooooo much to make this house the house of my dreams (for right now) and to make me happy and I'm not acting as if I appreciate it...but that's not it...I just wanna get back to the way we were when we first met and had fun and enjoyed one another....

I'm sure you all reading this are wondering why I haven't explained this to him about enjoying each other, but I have and I'm met with him feeling like I HAVE to have the hotel, wine/dine, going out, fun in the city/sun type of thing in order to enjoy him....that's not it!!

For example..about 2 wks ago we got a hotel for his neice's b-day and we were going to get out own room there too and enjoy each other's company...only he decided and told me at the last minute that he wanted us to stay at home instead and save the $$ that would have been spent for later...I was obviously and noticeably disappointed and spoke as if I were disappointed (we were on the phone) and tried to explain to him....."awwww well I guess so, but I was really looking forward to getting away from the house and the construction and etc." and he mumbled under his break in a snarly tone "b/c heaven forbid you'd just be happy staying at home and enjoy being together" and in the end I ended up apologizing b/c I wasn't trying to insuinate that I was too good for that....but that I was just disappointed b/c I thought of how fun and special it would be to spend time w/him....away...

I wish he could understand that yes, a couple should just be able to enjoy the simple things...but that you do have to include the spice and change of going out and going places and doing things...you gotta keep igniting that spark...ya know? He keeps saying that we can do all that when its the "right time" and when things "settle down"

The sensible part of me knows that what he is saying is right and that I will enjoy things 10x's better when the stress of a reno is over, but the playful part of me just wants to spend time with my man and have some new experiences to talk about....*sigh* I guess I should wrap this up...I do have a report or 2 to work on..ugh!

Wow!! I feel better getting these thoughts out...I forgot how good blogging felt!!

I guess I will be back again when the urge hits me....:)

...and so it begins...

So I guess you could say that writing in a diary, blog, etc. has been a part of my life since.....since HS..wait a minute...before..I had a diary complete with lock and key in the 4th grade....I still have it somewhere as well!!

In 2003 my bestfriend C told me of the wonderful site....www.xanga.com so my online blogging journey began. I met ALOT OF people on there who I still currently talk to either via phone, facebook, or twitter....many have gone to the wayside as far as blogging...as have I....

I wanted to get back into the swing of things with blogging, but I just lost the mojo for a very long time.

I really do miss it. I was looking at my blog posts from 2003-2009 and its crazy to see how much I've grown as a person and the foolishness that has been a part of my life....hehehe...I love that I kept of blog of alot of those details because sadly, I had forgetten all about some of them until they were re-read...boy...I'm definately going to have some stories for my grandchildren....

Anyways, I've tried to go back to xanga and re-create the magic that I once had on there...but its not the same...I don't have a my click of followers that I read their blogs and they read mine and plus I feel like I'm entering a new chapter in my life so part of me did not want to blog on the same site I've been writing in since I was 21 years old!!

So, I've tried the whole blogging thing before on other blogs and it just did not pan out for me like I had wished that it would have....so I decided since I'm about to enter a new chapter in my life..maybe its time to start a new blog and actually allot time to writing in it on a regular basis...

As for my name on here...Perfekt Imperfektion...I always felt that play on words described me...describes all of us.....we are all "perfect imperfections" just the way God made us.....as for Southern Diva's....its a word a few of my twitter buddies and I came up w/to describe ourselves...all grown women trying to be about our business....so there you have it..that's how the name began..

What I want to get out of this blog....hmmmm...I guess the purpose of this blog is to hopefully #1 be an unbiased oulet by which I could let out how I feel about the "goings on" in my life and #2 maybe the relationship hi's and low's that I go through may help someone else....or....in turn....help myself..

This blog will be filled w/real talk about life, friendships, family, love, and relationships..

I really hope those reading this will enjoy the ride as I begin this new chapter of my life as a Southern Diva....